A New Axiom

Two tests on Wednesday of this week had the whole cohort spun up into a tizzy. It can be said that our type thrives on stress, so maybe that's what contributed to the tension everyone created for themselves. All that talk had me in a semi-panic when I realized how much I took to heart the idea of "balance" in this craziness and didn't study at all during 4th of July weekend. Yet from that temporary psychosis, a new axiom emerged: The most important thing is to become a kickass nurse.


But part of getting to that place is the growing pains of not being there yet. Not even close. I forget to count respiration rate on vitals all. the. time. Then what?! I've just been faking it on the charts. I even got semi-called out (in a nice way) by the nurse I was with this week and I still faked it. UGH! So stupid. I also have "student nurse" insecurity - I hate making the patient wait or try again just because I'm retarded! So embarrassing. *SO* humbling.

I've just never been challenged like this before. I've always been good at what I do or stayed away from what I suck at. This whole process is a blend of those two. Because of this, I am grateful to have some life experience and a not-fresh-out-of-college maturity level to fall back on. I'm OK with my weaknesses to improve on. I'm even okay with them being publicly exposed! The most important thing is to become a kickass nurse. 


On the floor this week, I recognized a family member of a patient about to get discharged into hospice care. Suffice it to say that was bizarre for both of us, but ultimately a great reminder that this work is not isolated. The patient probably has another week or two in her so for now the highest priority was pain management. She was in a lot of it. But the PCA and I began to give her a bed bath anyway - gently with the warm towel over her swollen legs... firm grasp over her shoulders to roll her on her side... whispering encouragement that it was almost over... loosely locking my fingers in her hand as we waited for the EMTs to ready her transport. She was not able to formulate many words between her drowsiness and difficulty orienting herself, but she offered a decisive "thank you" before she left.

I hope I'm the kind of nurse who will always consider it a privilege to participate in personal care. For now though, I hope I'm the kind of student who remembers the most important thing is to become a kickass nurse.